Dear Fuzzy Diary
by whatitdobootydoo
Summary: What went on in Azkaban while Sirius was there? Well on a visit, the authoress found his fuzzy diary. Rated for: L SC & President Bashing! LOL FUN!


Sum: Christy's version of Sirius Black's diary in Azkaban!!! FUN!   
  
Dear Fuzzy Diary,

The following things are my first days in Azkaban.  
  
Day 1

Well, scum framed me and now I'm stuck here in Azkaban, it's quite boring really.  
  
Day 2

The food here sucks. I guess that means I won't be getting fat then.  
  
Day 3

The Dementors here are really bad. I keep thinking of the day I lost my socks.  
  
Day 5

Kind of wishing I had those socks now. My feet are cold!  
  
Day 6

The creepy guy in the cell next to me keeps staring at me. Can't write, must go to sleep so creepy guy will stop looking.  
  
Day 7

It really has been boring in here. Though sometimes it's interesting. Learned about my cousin's plot to kill me. She must REALLY love me!  
  
Day 9

Saw some Dementors doing the hokey-pokey. I wanted to join in but they said I couldn't because I had been bad. Must go cry to mumsies.  
  
Day 10

They served jell-o today. Somebody be merciful and gag me please!  
  
Day 11

The guy next to me told me what he did to get in this nut house. He ordered Pay-Per-View without permission. The scumbag.....  
  
Day 13

Some girl in the bathroom told me I looked sort of like Gary Oldman. Whoever that is.  
  
Day 14

It's been two weeks now. This place is starting to be kind of cozy. I'm planning on hanging some pink curtains up to give it a little personality.  
  
Day 17

Haven't been able to write lately. The dementor guarding my cell tried to eat my quill.  
  
Day 18

Got a visitor today. Some guy who wanted to give me some sort of shot. He was really nice and had this big white lab coat on. He said he needed to make sure I didn't have rabies.  
  
Day 24

I like the number 24 for some reason. 24 24 24 24 24 24 24!!!  
  
Day 25

The guy on the other side of me is staring again.  
  
Day 45

Sorry I haven't written in a while. The dementors took us on a field trip to the retirement home. The old people were so pleased to have mass murders come and sing to them. Go figure.  
  
Day 46

I'm wondering when I'll get out of here. I am really bored and my socks are still at home.  
  
Day 47

I feel like I'm on Survivor. One guy here is named Jon. He's here because he lied about his grandmother's death so he could win some challenge. He's wasting away of course.  
  
Day 49

Dementor tried to eat my quill again. Seems to think its candy.  
  
Day 52

They brought some guy named Bush in here for being an asshole. Everyone really seems to hate him. I do, he suggested I had nuclear weapons under my robes. Belongs in Mungos if you ask me.  
  
Day 63

Dementor ate some pages out of here. He must be a reject from "Good Times".  
  
Day 64

Some dude named Aragorn came in and inspected the jail. He was almost as sexy as me. He seemed to glow. I think he swallowed a lighting bug or something.  
  
Day 67

They brought in "The Mudman" said he was a reject for Scooby Doo.  
  
Day 68

J. K. Rowling visited me today. She apologized about murdering me. Couldn't say no and gave her a hug.  
  
Day 69

Some fairy thing called Root came in here. Looked like Chuckles from Spider-Man. Looked like he had swallowed a pit viper. Looking for some Mulch.  
  
Day 102

That psycho dementor took my diary again. Just now got it back. Said he was just curious. Don't believe him.  
  
Day 103

Had to beat some fan girls off with a stick today.  
  
Day 104

Some Muggle named Dudikins is in here, something about eating Pluto.  
  
Day 105

Read some fan-fiction today. I really like "Long Curly Lashes and the Mystery of Bologna." (Some girl came today and paid me to say that.)  
  
Day 106

Found Mulch. He's a little dwarf who's a burglar. Has a strange resemblance to Bilbo Baggins. He's currently hiding under my bed from...Weed? No....maybe it was Root.  
  
Day 107

Only about 2,968 days left before I can leave. They didn't tell me I could I just have a hunch.  
  
Day 108

That girl came back today. Asked me if I had seen her copy of "The Goblet of Fire". Told her no.  
  
Day 110

She came back to tell me some 'good' news. Says the sixth Harry Potter book is going to be called "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince". Swears to God it's true.  
  
Day 111

Those nice people in white lab coats came to take that girl back.  
  
Day 112

Partied with some dementors today. I think the one who keeps trying to eat my quill fancies me.  
  
Day 114

Sadly I'm running out of pages I only have two left. I need another diary.  
  
Day 115

By the way, my diary is velvety with pink feathers all over it.  
  
Day 116

Last page. Only 13 years to go till I get out of this dump. I guess I'll use the rest as reminders.  
  
**Memos to self:  
**  
Kill everyone who I talked to.

Poor honey and Bush and tie him to an ant hill.  
  
Find out requirements to Julliard.  
  
Brush teeth.  
  
Beat the mercy out of cousin.  
  
Scratch the itch behind my ear.  
  
Don't forget to take this with you when you leave.  
  
Develop a liking for crossword puzzles. You never know when it might come in handy.

* * *

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!! I hope you enjoyed it :)


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